Broken Souls
by Heidi19
Summary: Only one man can protect her... but who will protect him from her? Kenshin is Battousai, a shadow assassin. Kaoru, a heartless murderess, but also, a mysterious woman who joins War as a Choushuu´s Monarchist. What happens now?


**Authoress:**

I wanted to start in a mysterious way; I believe I showed a lot of Kaoru´s persona here. A lot of her thoughts… now you can say she will behave OOC, am I right?

I hope you enjoy that premise; I can tell this fiction is going to be hard to write.

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.

* * *

**Broken Souls**

**Prologue:** Embrace self-hate

-

I don't want to forgive, no.

I feel damaged and hurt.

I feel unloved.

I feel turmoil running all over my body.

I feel confusion inside my mind.

I feel pain within my heart.

Will there ever be a day when everything will be all right?

Will I ever be able to do things right?

Even trying to have an answer to those questions, I hear nothing but silence

I feel nothing but pain. Anguish. Regret. Hate.

And when I believe that I have achieved a brief, but still nice, sparkle of happiness,

I realize I was just blind.

It wasn't happiness; I only was trying to escape reality by dreaming.

Wishing.

Wanting.

Craving.

They're all the same.

Can I be accused of being a murderess?

Even if I didn't kill it by my hands, yet, I believe I did.

Because when you agree with something, or even when you give nothing but silence,

You are a part of it; you consent.

Especially when you possess it.

Especially when you know it is part of you.

But even knowing it, you killed it.

Murdered it.

Annihilated it.

I might have shed tears, tears that washed away some pain, not completely though.

Heck, but would they ever?

I guess not. Not knowing it was my entire fault.

Not knowing I did it knowing what I was doing

Conscious.

Aware.

But it hurts.

Hurt for being too coward

For being so young and yet so mean.

For bringing pain to the ones I love.

For ending a life that hadn't even the chance to bloom

To live.

And it was a part of me,

What was I thinking back at that time?

Of me - only?

Perhaps too scared to think of everything,

Of anything.

Too sacred of loosing.

Too scared of the unknown.

Yes, the unknown.

What and how, would be my life after that?

The same?

No,

Never the same.

I have pulled a part of me,

I have murdered a fraction of me,

And it still lingers in my mind.

In my heart,

Although slightly forgotten by others,

But never, not, by me.

How could I?

How can I?

Can I look at someone and don't feel marked?

Sinner

Evil

Selfish

Cheap

Cursed...

If I could throw all the worse curses on me I would,

But I can't.

Because there are others who still care,

They care, even from afar.

Where I cannot reach.

But still… How?

Care.

I might even think - sometimes, when I allow myself to dream - I still have the slightest care for me.

But then, waking up, I don't think I do. I'm sure I don't.

Hell, I wouldn't.

Can't.

I still go on for them,

I know if I didn't that would violate them.

Hurt.

Miserable.

Yet, from far away.

Plus I still have to pay,

Compensate for everything I have done…

I have done a lot, nothing good.

To me,

To them,

And to my child.

My child.

The one I have never met,

The one I took off of me.

Too terrified.

Too egotistical.

Too heartless.

Now, payback.

To pay for my sins,

To pay for even being alive, when I shouldn't.

I shall carry on, I shall…

Even if I have to walk in that dark line – I will.

I shall endure, knowing nothing could be worse.

Will God forgive me?

Will life forgive me?

Will they forgive me?

Maybe.

But, will I ever?

-

"You're on your way now." A regular voice said. "You shall contact us when you get there however. You know how and when correct?"

A head waved in understanding.

A dry smile. "Goodbye then."

A hand on the air waiting.

No reply to both.

Two eyes lingered on a dark image outlined against the lighter background as it walked away - the silhouette being swallowed at each composed step.

"I shall endure…" Whispered the shadow, low and in a melancholic tone, while stepping inside a dispatch, knowing it would take her where she is expected.

Expected to bear the burden. Ready to open way to hell.

But also, ready to pay for her sins.

* * *

To be continued. 

I had to change the format because of Fanfiction . net. Curses.


End file.
